Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
