Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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