I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
