I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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