We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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