Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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