So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize