i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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