New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
