I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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