In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
