the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
