From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
