Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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