I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
