So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
