I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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