college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
