I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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