If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
