Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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