I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
there is glitter all over my balls
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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