I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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