just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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