so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
