Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize