How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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