just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
