Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
