11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
where are you?
Hypothermia
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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