i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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