I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
