Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry about my life...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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