the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
