I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
