I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
