I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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