i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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