so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
