i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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