I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
two words...techno handjob
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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