remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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