I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize