My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
