we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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