Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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