I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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