I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
