so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
