So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
