Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
