remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
