Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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