Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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