Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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