So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
