i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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