I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
