Im at strip club and am horny
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
