Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
