apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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