I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
