Sponge bath it is.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
