Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
