Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
