Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
