She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize