She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
