Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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