my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
