I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
