you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
why do cheetos always look like penises
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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