I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
