which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize