My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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