Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
