that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
