omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
