I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
