Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
