AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
