Just fell off a train. Bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
