i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
