my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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