Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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