Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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