guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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