I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
