Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
