I need to stop coming to work sober
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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