If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
