to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont even know how to be here
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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