six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
