You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
