yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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