Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
