My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
