i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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