i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
