just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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