No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
