I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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